Dover Beach
The sea is calm to-night,
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; — on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanch’d land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.
Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Aegean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
The sea of faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl’d.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.
Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.
- Matthew Arnold
Baby left me for the embrace of the salty sea breeze for the weekend. For the next 96 hours, I’ll be left to my own devices. When nightmares come to plague, I will have no comfort from his soothing voice…
Nightmares seem to visit my almost every night. It has nothing to do with ghoulish visuals or heart-wrenching storylines. But more of gripping terror of silly stuffs… like all my teeth falling off and finally grow so senile one day that I won’t remember to keep my mouth shut when I stare idly. Or simply opening my eyes to realize the fear of losing Iz was unreal. I wonder if it is a sign of stress? I used to be dreams-free once I fall into the oblivion of sleep, but nowadays complete and ample rest eludes me. I think every morning I wake up feeling more depleted than the night before.
Maybe I’m troubled by my own failures or my own inadequacies. Maybe I’m just insecure. Maybe I feel harassed. But I certainly don’t feel alone anymore. I must at least admit that I have changed, not the clingy girl I used to be. Of course I still take whatever conveniences offered to me, but that is because I never took gender equality at face value. I much prefer to be doted and pampered and given in to. Hah!
Feeling blue, but at the same time trying to enjoy my solitude. I guess I can get used to some me-time…
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